The Past

So I suppose to make this blog make a little more sense I should explain the past a little. I'm not very comfortable talking about it and haven't told a single person the whole story but you should get the idea. When I was four years old I woke to find my mom on the kitchen floor. Ann Dalley came over and called 911, with all the certified dudes there and then the autopsy they couldn't even tell me why it had happened. And to this day i still don't know. About a year and a half later my dad got remarried. Me and my step mom have a pretty "rough" relationship. Six years after that, my brother was diagnosed with Ewing's Sarcoma, cancer. Eight months later he passed away. After that, well lets just say all hell broke loose.
Life was very hard as a young child with no mom but if you are wondering how I did it, it was because I was surrounded by moms who loved and cared about me. I would always try to look on the positive side of it, I had not only 1 mom but 8 moms. The hardest thing is watching other moms interact with their daughters and not know what that feels like.

I have experienced more struggles in my fourteen years then most people do in their entire lifetime. But I have also experienced more blessings in my fourteen years then most people do in their entire lifetime. I don’t know the purpose of life, I don’t know what I am suppose to accomplish. What people will stand up and say at my funeral. What I am suppose to say when I stand before God to be judged. But I think we are here to make memories. Stories to tell of the good and bad times. Experiences to help us grow. I want to shed more happy tears then sad ones. I want to stand up more times than I fall down. I hope at my funeral there will be happy memories to share. But also sad ones. For a funeral is to celebrate life. Even the rough times. I hope when I stand before God to be judged he will shed tears as I share the memories I made on Earth. The good and the bad. For without both, the other would not exist. I don’t know what will happen to me. I often feel like giving up, but for now it is these memories that keep me going. These memories I want to add to. That is what I want this blog to be. Memories. Good and bad. I don’t know if I will end up in heaven or hell. But as long as I can take my memories with me I will be happy.

First you must understand that as I write about my trials and tribulations I am not upset or angry at the fact that I had to over come these struggles. I am grateful for these hard times and I hope I can express that in my writings. I also hope you would understand that I am grateful for the joys of my life and although they are hidden in the every day of my life I hope you will see I have as much joys as I do sorrows.